I’m kinda coming down from being drunk (I’m 21, so it’s okies.), and I’m just super sad. Lugh leaves tomorrow.
I think I’m “in love” with a guy that I have no right to have those feelings for: he’s my friend’s boyfriend. I was friends with her long before I met him, and those two have been dating for years.
They both just graduated…
I just wish that I didn’t have this feelings for him. Maybe my emotions are all confused right now since he’s the first guy to see me, to REALLY see me. He just always makes me feel like I matter, that he’s happy to see me.
Fuck. I’m crying again.
But he sees me, and he BELIEVES in me. I’ve never had someone believe in me the way he does, not even Lugh. I know she believes in me, but… it’s different. He just seems so passionate…
I’m kinda over typing this out… I just want these feelings to go away.
On the other side of all of this:
WHY DON’T I HAVE A BOYFRIEND?!
I’m pretty, smart, creative, different… I’ve been told all of these things (I personally have no clue if I’m all of these), and the only thing I want to know is why the fuck am I still single then?
Am I weird? Ugly? Stupid?
I just don’t get why so many people have called me special… Why do I feel this way if I’m “special”??
I’m just over feeling so alone and broken and unwanted all of the time. I know you don’t have to have someone to be happy, but it just gets to a point where being by yourself just hurts because you want to be with someone that you love who loves you. Someone that you can lean on and know that he/she will just be there and support you.
I’m don’t crying right now. I just really needed to get this out.
Just sitting in the Student Union right now. On my second bottle of chocolate milk. I wanted to get some studying done today/tonight, but after some stupid stuff happened, I really just want my Lugh. Luckily, my friend Rena is here for me to talk to.
I hate feeling like a outcast. No matter where I am on this campus, I just feel invisible.
Half of my trip to the UK I felt invisible with the people I was traveling with. I want to say that I’m just an attention whore and that I just need to get over myself, but the fact that I was forgotten by people one day on the trip kind of proves my hypothesis.
Even when I’m with people, for the most part I never feel like I’m apart of them. Always physically with them, but never included mentally.
Whatevs. Just really wanted to say that.